The First Time Doctors

I wished I was told these things before I started.

That life was tough, miserable and often times quite comprehensible (or not), it’s just the unpreparedness for the situation I suppose.

I wished I was told that getting radiology scans were difficult and often times you would get scolded for not knowing what you are requesting. But I mean can they blame you? Can your own medical officer blame you actually for not knowing? If this was your literal first few weeks of working, nobody should expect you to know what you are doing.

I remember my first day as a tagging house officer in the orthopaedic department of HCTM, I was immediately pushed to request 3 CT scans. I was anxious, I was sweating through my pants, I was obviously stressed and agitated. A senior walked me down to the radiology department because she also had to request some MRI scans. She taught me a few things, and got me to present it to her as well (Hanees I will always remember this was our first encounter working together). It happened so very quickly as we walked down, now that I looked back, I didn’t think it was even adequate to present the same thing I had presented to my senior to the radiologist. True enough, I was slaughtered on site by the radiologist. I wouldn’t say I was particularly surprised by the scolding, I probably had expected it, but didn’t process it until much later. Now that I am looking back, I realised how demeaning and pointless of the entire presentation and only to be returned with some scolding. I had learnt nothing from that experience other than human emotions. I wished that people were kinder, mature and more understanding that as a first time doctor, I would have appreciated teaching rather than the hight pitched voice.

I wished that senior doctors would stop lashing out on others and just teach. Jobs will never finish, the work will never end, but the teaching should continue regardless of who you meet.

Rewinding back, I wished that the ortho MO at that time would have taught me how to request scans, taught me on the few key words I needed to say in order to get those scans. I wished that he had helped me navigate through the cases and taught me on the indications and why it was important to get it urgently. (But often times, they know it isn’t urgent and we all know it.)

The Monash graduates who were placed in KL/Selangor. This was taken during our PTM on 2 October 2020. Going through old pictures really brought back memories. This was a joy.

Oh God, referring cases were equally terrifying. I remember being taught SBAR in med school and I followed the exact same formula. I was so stressed out initially when I had to refer cases and knowing that the doctor receiving the call would want a certain information. But of course as a junior doctor, as much as I try to prepare for it, I just lack the experience and I wished someone had told me referring cases would get easier with experience. And it does get easier. I remembered how frequent I got slaughtered by the endocrine MO for referring uncontrolled diabetes, fair enough though. I also remembered it was the angelic Dr Ema who had taught me what I needed to say to refer uncontrolled diabetes and that it is always good practice to make suggestions or recommendations, i.e increasing the actrapid to 14 units. After all, you are a doctor.

I wished they had told me that when doctoring gets hard, it is okay to take a step back. I condemn the fact that senior doctors would call current generation of junior doctors “the snowflake generation”. We are a generation of digital information, we are a generation of yoga and wellbeing, we are a generation with parents who had worked hard their life to provide a better future for us, we are a generation that does work more efficiently and effectively. But without the right tools, information and guidance, we can potentially be a generation that is wasted.

I always feel like our generation represents progression. We make changes, we speak up, we talk about world issues like nobody’s business. But often times we get squandered, pushed around, scolded for speaking our minds. But in reality, we face a generation who doesn’t know how to collaborate, discuss, or converse with those younger than them. Just because “during my time” it was harder, so it made perfect sense to treat us the same. As we evolve, one should evolve and progress with time. Gone were the days where MOs had to remember case notes by heart, or presenting cases without peeping at the notes. Moving towards the era of digital technology, information can be readily accessible, there isn’t a need to memorise for the sake of efficiency. Gone were the days of old school consultants who expect you to memorise 24 patients’ history and investigations. Looking back, I found this ridiculous. Why make our lives so difficult? Information is right in front of our eyes.

But of course these vigorous expectations undoubtedly shaped some of the best doctors into great clinicians. But also having worked with consultants and medical officers in Australia here made me realised how insignificant those exercises are as they too became excellent clinicians and doctors without going through the Malaysian hardship. Look how they turn out? Brilliant.

I do believe ward rounds are evolving and “during my time” I was allowed to peep into case notes and present cases and consultants didn’t murder me for not knowing the cases. Thankfully.

For the first time doctors, it is apparently acceptable to get scolded, humiliated, to help senior doctors bring their Grab food, to get scolded for wrongly swinging the Doyen retractor in a Caesarean section, amongst many things. I often look past these emotional instability (not mine), and rise above. I suppose the right mindset would be to be better than them. As I said, we are a generation that represents progression. We should all learn from our predecessors and be kinder to others.

I suppose there is no perfect ending to this. But know that when housemanship gets harder, it is only just a job.

Cheers.